December 6, 2008

Rub of the Green

Green Turn.Now this has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.Admitted, it is a decent initiative taken up by a television channel that seemingly doesn't have much to gain from it,but I swear, some of their ideas have left me convinced that pigs have taken flight.

Here's a sneak peek into some of the tips offered.

Re-use envelopes.
Let clothes dry naturally.
Make a compost pit in your garden.

Yes,that's it!!! I'm sure the world will be a much better place once the horrors of machine-dried clothes are abolished.I mean, just who is the half-wit who comes up with some of these ideas?Maybe the compost pit made the slow but steady transition from the garden to his cerebellum. And while we are busy re-using envelopes, we have Mr. Joe 'Why-Should-I-Give-a-Fuck' driving around in his Hummer getting 2 kilometres to the litre and Mr. 'Look-at-my-petrol-engine-run-on-kerosene' , soot billowing from his auto, putting their cerebral ineptitude on public display.

Are these really the best solutions we have to offer? The Earth is supposedly wounded and this is our idea of a bandage? How about Car-pooling? Electric Vehicles? Renewable Energies? Walking? Cycling? Using the stairs? Taking the bus?

But No. I will take my Diesel car(Alone, thank you very much) and drive to my office which is a stone's throw from my place, because I can't be seen walking, much less cycling to work, although either would give me the exercise that I desperately need. Stairs???No stairs for me. The only steps I'm willing to climb are the ones that will take me to the top of the corporate ladder. I will take the elevator from the 1st floor to the 2nd and I'll be a monkey's uncle if my clogged arteries have a say in the matter. Later, I will make up for all of this lost exercise by plugging in my treadmill and jogging all those calories away. Really? It is a marvel that Natural Selection didn't eliminate you along with the fuckin' dinosaurs,Idiot.

The funniest part? When celebrities become part of the process. Now if your sending Kanye 'whats his name' or Brad Pitt or Lenny Kravitz (to name a few) to tell me how to help the environment by switching off my monitor when I'm not using my computer,or that i need to replace all the incandescent lamps in my house with compact fluorescent, there is a pretty good chance you would have to perform rectal surgery on them to get my boot out of their ass. Firstly, because these fucks are getting paid to tell us what we already know, and secondly because I have watched MTV Cribs(unfortunately), and trust me, these morons wouldn't know Global Warming if it bit them in the ass.

My solution? Get some real solutions fast, or else we don't have a prayer. 


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